Bizarre Observations with Matt Haze

Laugh, then think. From the mind of comedian Matt Haze.

An Open Letter to a Dumbass McDonalds Employee…

Dear Dumbass McDonalds Employee directing traffic in the drive thru lane making $6.50/hr:

If you want me to stop my car, why don’t you do the common sense thing and put your hand out and say STOP instead of STICKING YOUR FOOT OUT IN FRONT OF MY CAR AND NOT SAYING A G&#D$@# WORD?!

You must have had a BLAST playing in traffic growing up!

Check your ego at the fryer, will ya??

Love,
Common Sense

I bug The Karin Housley Radio Show in Minneapolis

This Yankees fan had to give grief to my friend Karin Housley (a Twins fan) on her radio show in Minneapolis…along with talking about the big award I won yesterday as well.  I also had to make sure her assistant, Julie, was getting the attention she deserved!  Hear the audio of the fun:

This text will be replaced by the flash music player.

Pre-emptive strike against the moon?!

What did he ever do to us to deserve this?!

What did he ever do to us to deserve this?!

It’s the second biggest news story of the day so far (next to President Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize).

NASA bombed the moon.

That’s right, the rocket scientists at NASA spent millions of our tax dollars to bomb the moon.

For water.

That’s right, that item we have plenty of on our own earth.

I am going to stand up for this one.

Not cool.

What has the martians ever done to us to deserve this?!

They bring us comedy in cartoons.

They are part of a prestigious MTV award show that Kanye West hasn’t interrupted…yet.

They’re friends with one of our all-time favorite TV stars…Alf!

And we bomb them?!

WWETD?  (What Would E.T. Do?)

So not nice.

So not cool.

*sigh*

NYC! Let's talk social media on October 19th!

Are you frustrated by Facebook? Perplexed by Plaxo?
Does LinkedIn leave you feeling lost? And, what is Twitter?

Join the Union Square Partnership for our
Fall Business Assistance Forum & Networking Event

Spotlight on Social Media

This free business assistance event is geared for users familiar with LinkedIn, Facebook, Plaxo, Twitter and other networks who wish to learn how to better leverage them to generate and increase business. Join our panel of experts on Monday, October 19th as they discuss specific features that are particularly useful for small businesses. How is social media integrated into your business growth plan?  How much professional time should you devote online to social networking?   Learn how to take your skills to the next level and keep your readers interested and engaged.

Panelists include Colin Nagy, partner at Attention, a New York-based communications and social media marketing firm; Matt Haze, host of daily video blog, HazeTV, and numerous business podcasts and live events; Sheldon Gilbert, founder and CEO, Proclivity Systems, a consumer behavior research firm; Chaim Indig, co-founder and CEO, Phreesia, one of the nation’s premier medical patient screening companies. The panel will be moderated by Renee Fishman, Associate Broker at Halstead Property.

Fall Business Assistance Forum & Networking Event
Spotlight on Social Media
Monday, October 19, 2009
6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
W New York-Union Square
201 Park Avenue South at 17th Street

Space is limited and attendees must RSVP at 212-460-1200
or info@unionsquarenyc.org by Friday, October 16th.


HELP! PICK MY NEXT PAIR OF GLASSES! HELP THOSE WITH FASHIONITIS!

I’d like EVERY WILLING AND ABLE BODY to make your vote!

I can’t decide!!! I’m going to purchase a new pair of glasses and if you know anything about me, me and fashion go as well as me and Michael Moore.

SO… I need YOUR HELP!

Which pair should I go with????

Me have no fashion sense. Me need your help.

Or do you not like either choice and I should stick with the contacts?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury… your choices for voting are…

Option #1 - thin frame only on top, lenses open, yet still boxy

Option #1 - thin frame only on top, lenses open, yet still boxy

Option #2 - da think boxy frame

Option #2 - da think boxy frame

Cartoon characters dont wear glasses... keep dem der contacts son!

Cartoon characters don't wear glasses... keep dem der contacts son!

So please help me choose!!! Leave your choice and comments below…

It’s the least you can do if I’ve made you laugh at least ONCE this year. :-)

Love,
The Management

Last night on TV, I didn't see David Letterman… I saw Johnny Carson

From Mr. Carsons last TV appearance in 1994

From Mr. Carson's last TV appearance in 1994

I almost hit the sack early last night.  That had been the plan all day long, after a very busy day of podcast recording.

But a little after 9:30pm, my BlackBerry went off with a text message with a huge surprise.

“David Letterman to admit to affair on his show tonight.”

Well yeah that caught my attention and changed my plan for the evening.

Fast forward this story to Act 2 of his show, when Mr. Letterman told the blackmail sex scandal story.  For those that haven’t seen the video, you can see it here.

As I was watching this story unfold on my TV just like the rest of the east coast, I started to realize something.

I wasn’t watching David Letterman.

That was Johnny Carson on stage.

It’s no secret that Mr. Letterman’s biggest mentor was the original king of late night, Johnny Carson.  It’s always been known that Mr. Carson kept his private life VERY private.  Some stories, such as his divorces, were revealed over time, but he never really addressed them.  He would quickly address it, leave it at that, and only bring it up in the way of a punchline of a joke later.

When Mr. Letterman at the end said that the monologue he just gave would be all he would say, that’s when it clicked in my head that he was doing EXACTLY what Johnny would do.

In 1982, Mr. Carson was arrested over a weekend in Los Angeles for DUI.  It made national news all weekend (as Johnny would joke, “it was a slow news weekend.”)  It’s kind of a big deal when the biggest TV star of all time gets in trouble like that.  All weekend, American waited for him to appear on the show Monday to see what he would say.

I wish I could show you the video clip, but unfortunately it’s been removed from YouTube.  If you would watch it, you could compare it to what we saw last night.

As the show opened and he walked from behind the curtain, Mr. Carson was escorted by an actor dressed as an LAPD officer, talking to him and telling him what he was doing, only to be let go to do his monologue.  It’s one of the most unexpected and funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Later in the show, Mr. Carson took a few minutes to talk about the incident.  He spent no more than two minutes talking about it.  He acknowledged it, said he had too much wine, would pay the price, and would not do it again.  And that was it.

It was real.  It was classy.  It was all that was needed.

Last night, I saw the same with Mr. Letterman.

As so many in the spotlight are being called out for things in their personal life, the tabloid media wants to throw these people through the mud.  These celebrities are then hounded, go on talk shows at their own will to talk about it, issue more statements, put videos on YouTube, etc.  (see Chris Brown & Jon Gosselin).

Mr. Letterman kept it the way it should be.  Private for him to deal with and that’s it.

I saw a glimpse into the way television used to be last night.  As my industry expands and changes, a piece of the past showed last night.

And it was something we ALL can learn from.  Pure class.