Bizarre Observations with Matt Haze

Laugh, then think. From the mind of comedian Matt Haze.

Category Archives: Just for fun

Ohio State fan teaches Michigan fans how to update Facebook about win for first time EVER

I’m from Ohio.  I’m a lifelong Buckeyes fan.  Today was a sad day.

But I’m a good sport.

You see, the last time Michigan beat Ohio State in The Game was in 2003.  Facebook and Twitter were not even around yet.  So for the last few years, us Buckeye fans have had the pleasure of gloating and bragging about winning The Game.

Since this is Michigan’s first time having bragging rights on the social networks (and the last time they did it was on MySpace), I thought I’d teach them how to do it, step-by-step.

 

The Great Winter Hat Debate

For those of us who don’t have the luxury to have natural insulation on our head [read: hair], purchasing a winter hat for the season is a vital decision.  Not only for fashion.  But for the basic human need of warmth.

This year, I took to Twitter to show people what it’s like behind the scenes to find the Official Winter Hat.  Here is how it went down…

Option A:  The Hillbilly Hat.
Hey, I’m from Ohio.  I may have spent my childhood in the suburbs, but I’ve visited farm land before.

 Option B:  The Hillbilly Hat Part 2.
This would have worked, but unfortunately I have not perfected my Elmer Fudd impersonation yet to make this work.

 Option C:  ANIMAAAAAAAAALLLL!
’nuff said.

Option D:  Kermit
Surprisingly, this was the option people were pulling for the most.  Many people were #TeamKermit.  Either a. People have no sense of fashion.  or b. They never want me to date ever again.

Option E:  Basic, yet hot.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE OFFICIAL MATT HAZE 2011-2012 WINTER SEASON HAT!

Since I put this out to the world last week, the one question I’ve been asked most is “Did you buy the Kermit hat???”  I plead the fifth.  And please don’t look in my closet.

BREAKING NEWS: Royal wedding video sales spark Walmart to sell "common folk" wedding DVDs as well

Just part of Walmart's new Wedding DVD section

Just part of Walmart's new Wedding DVD section

After seeing respectable sales numbers for DVDs of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Royal Wedding, international retailer Walmart has decided to start selling other wedding DVDs, including those of “common folk” in their new Wedding DVD section.

Erin Healy, a recently married woman in Zanesville, Ohio is thrilled that a retrospective DVD of their reception, held in the basement of a local VFW hall, is the first addition to this new selection.  ”I can’t believe our special day can now be shared by so many!  Ohmigod, you will DIE when you see my Uncle Ralph attempt to dance to the Thriller song!”

Walmart also plans to release a DVD of Jessica & Robert Feldman’s elaborate $471,000 wedding and reception that took place in New York City last summer.  The high-priced affair has been praised by critics as “a fairytale wedding on a New York City budget.”  The event included a horse carriage ride through Central Park as well as a special sing along of “Sweet Caroline” conducted by the bride’s very drunk father half way through the night.

Not everyone is happy about this new section, though.  Concerned husbands have stated that say they are already forced by their newly minted brides to watch the video of their OWN wedding once a month.  The last thing they want to see is someone else’s elaborate event.

Expect to see the new Wedding DVD section to be rolled out nationwide over the next 60 days.