Everywhere you look, social media “experts” like to share with you their top 5 success tools or top 10 ways to get more followers or top 10 items that are just pointless to pay attention to.

I’ve been successful with what I do because of what I do.  I am a content machine.  I write.  I post.  I interact.

So with that being said… ladies and gentlemen… I am here to do my part.  I am here to share my wealth of social media knowledge in my half-ass brain.  Without further ado, I would like to present to you…

Matt Haze’s Top 10 Social Media Tools for Success.  (From personal experience.)

1.  A Twitter account: You need an outlet to post this content, right?  Even better… there are people on Twitter who look for this crazy content to post and will send it off to THEIR peeps, too!  I mean, more bang for your buck, right??

2.  Mobile device: To take advantage of opportunities of content that is created with everything you’re going to learn today, you MUST have a mobile device with internet access to deliver this content for the world to see.  If you don’t have a smart phone, you can post to your twitter account through text messages.

3.  Alcohol: Alcohol opens people up.  As Joe Nichols so poetically said in song, “Tequila makes her clothes fall off.”  We say things we normally wouldn’t say when the liquid goodness isn’t flowing through our veins.  We do things we normally we wouldn’t do.  (please refer back to Joe Nichols reference above).  Alcohol brings us to levels we normally wouldn’t allow ourselves to reach when that coke in our hand is just coke and not with Jack Daniels in it.  These actions and happenings are priceless material.

4.  A Bar: When you consume item #3 in an establishment created just for people getting together and doing such an act, your chances for social media content increases.  If you’re not the one who does dumb things when you’re drunk, you will be surrounded by people who ARE, though.  Let THEM make an ass out of themselves.  Then twtipic that shit!

5.  Hot drunk chicks:  I mean, who doesn’t love hot drunk chicks?  They can dance to any song that’s playing.  They love everyone, no matter who they are or what they look like.  The later into the night and the more shady douchebags hand them free drinks hoping for a chance to take them home later that night, the more opportunities for content.

6.  Alcohol, a bar and hot drunk chicks TOGETHER: The holy grail of social media content success.  This is the money pot.  This will bring you content that only your mind can normally create, if not better!  Get all of these together and you’ll thank me later.

7.  Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife: We ALL have a good story about the people in our lives we used to love (or just sleep with).  They get angry, they throw a fit, they blame us for all of their problems.  Well people, now is your time to show the world how much of a selfish bitch she is or how much of a worthless prick he is.  Post that million dollar content that comes out of their mouth, people!

8.  Justin Bieber: Want more followers?  You get one new follower for every single time you mention the little brat’s name in a tweet on twitter.  But be forewarned… mentioning Justin’s name in a tweet automatically makes you a “creepy tweeter.”

9.  The streets of New York: I am blessed to be living in the greatest city in the world.  Not because of the fantastic opportunities that I create around me or the best pizza on the planet.  But because stand on any street corner anywhere in the city and you’re guaranteed to find some of the most bizarre people that walk the streets, as well as said people saying the strangest things you’ve ever heard.  Take pictures.  Take video.  Write down what they said.  And use it, my friends.

10.  YOU: Look in the mirror.  Wave hi to yourself.  Inside of you is real content.  Real ideas.  Real things you want to talk about.  Let it out.  Tell the world.  Stop relying on others and their posts.  Stop relying on fear to stop you from opening up and starting a conversation.  Ask a question.  Share an opinion.  And watch social media magic happen.