Bizarre Observations with Matt Haze

Laugh, then think. From the mind of comedian Matt Haze.

Category Archives: Uncategorized

Study: Those who complain about “indecent content” most boring in bed

A poll conducted shortly after Nicki Minaj’s nipple slipped during a concert on ABC’s Good Morning America has discovered that people who complain about “indecent content” on national TV are also the most boring in the bedroom.

The study, which included 1,000 Americans who have made a complaint regarding the incident, discovered that 84% of those surveyed preferred to have sex in the missionary position with the lights on while wearing socks.  Most people surveyed also said they take part in sexual interaction around once a month with an occasional session added in for special occasions.

The majority of the men surveyed also stated they normally receive oral sex once a year and it normally coincides with their birthday.

73% of women in the survey admitted that they have “tried doggy but felt the position was degrading and did not enjoy it.”  100% of those women were considered to be lying.

More on this story as it continues to develop on LaughThenThink.com.

Daily Haze EXTRA: Marching Does Nothing

Drew Angerer/The New York Times

Drew Angerer/The New York Times

“Rah rah!  Hear us rah!”  That’s all I got when it comes to catching marching slogans.

On Saturday, thousands of people ventured to the Washington Mall to show their strength and push for job creation at the “One Nation Working Together” rally… what is being pushed as the opposite of the Tea Party movement.

Another rally.  That will do so much good for America.

If people are really that upset about jobs and their situation, isn’t there a better answer than standing with thousands of other pissed off people in the sun to chant and hold up signs?  Is the hours of time it takes to travel, to get there, to actually stand around wasted? Is there a better use of the time?

Take a listen… and then answer the Facebook Question of the Day!

Daily Haze EXTRA: Where did your dream go?

It's a good day for a daydream...

It's a good day for a daydream...

I’m still fascinated with what I saw after the Labor Day weekend on Facebook.  Actually, what I see after EVERY holiday on Facebook.

There is this large group of people who you can tell have lost their dreams.

Take a listen to see what I mean.

THEN answer the Facebook question of the day… What did you want to be when you grow up? And what did you end up doing?  Answer that on our Facebook page!

Today's Random Haze Thoughts…

I’ve had no real deep, thought provoking thoughts today running through my head… except these three…

1. PING PONG. I love sitting in Bryant Park when the weather starts to break and watch local ping pong fans doing their thing.  It’s intriguing to watch.  What other part of the country will you see that?!  Nowhere.  I need to practice and get into a few games.  What a better way to relax and enjoy the weather and people of New York…especially this time of year.

2. THE L.A. BEARD. I lived in Los Angeles in 2008.  While I was there, I got lazy.  Lazy about shaving everyday.  What formed has been nicknamed by my close friends as the “L.A. Beard.”  They didn’t nickname it because they liked it.  They nicknamed it because they hated it.  No one back in the Midwest or east coast really got into it.  But I liked it.  Slowly but surely lately, it’s been coming back.  Will I keep it?  The jury is still out.

3. PIE. I love pie.  Do you like pie?  Not to sound like one of the best lines from the Men in Black movies, but I LOVE PIE.  Pie fixes everything.  My friends recently debated with me that ice cream was the fix all to our problems, but I disagree.  When was the last time you had pie?  Probably the holidays.  You usually only have pie during big family gatherings.  Ice cream is a more normal, and obvious, item to have when you’re not feeling well about life.  So why not treat yourself to PIE???  It’s different… and it’s damn good.

That is all today.

Carry on.