All future Matt Haze ex-wives will receive the following parting gift the day the divorce is finalized…
(thanks to @BarryBeth for discovering this!)
Bizarre Observation #18: Best. App. EVER.
’nuff said.
Bizarre Observation #17: Seduction
I mean, who hasn’t been tempted to covet thy neighbor’s wife from the delicate deliciousness of french fries?
Bizarre Observation #16: A note to all future ex-wives…
Future ex-wives, get me the world’s larget gummy bear for my birthday and I’ll make sure you get an extra 2% in the pre-nup…
@30RockTree: The Conclusion
I’m sad to say that today @30RockTree comes to an end for the season.
SO. There are many questions. Where do we go from here? What happens to the tree? I answer them all below…
Thank you for everything. 
Habitat for Humanity: www.habitat.org
Me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/matthaze
My Christmas Wish for YOU…
Many people wish for things like world peace during the holiday season.
Not me.
I have a different wish.
I explain below…
Happy Holidays, hot stuff.
Bizarre Observation #15: Santa Cow goes moo.
I prefer her medium rare and seasoned on a hot plate, but this works for now.
Bizarre Observation #14: Where do you keep him?
My parents keep their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in an old Target box in the attic. Amen.
Ohio State fan teaches Michigan fans how to update Facebook about win for first time EVER
I’m from Ohio. I’m a lifelong Buckeyes fan. Today was a sad day.
But I’m a good sport.
You see, the last time Michigan beat Ohio State in The Game was in 2003. Facebook and Twitter were not even around yet. So for the last few years, us Buckeye fans have had the pleasure of gloating and bragging about winning The Game.
Since this is Michigan’s first time having bragging rights on the social networks (and the last time they did it was on MySpace), I thought I’d teach them how to do it, step-by-step.
The Great Winter Hat Debate
For those of us who don’t have the luxury to have natural insulation on our head [read: hair], purchasing a winter hat for the season is a vital decision. Not only for fashion. But for the basic human need of warmth.
This year, I took to Twitter to show people what it’s like behind the scenes to find the Official Winter Hat. Here is how it went down…
Option A: The Hillbilly Hat.
Hey, I’m from Ohio. I may have spent my childhood in the suburbs, but I’ve visited farm land before.
Option B: The Hillbilly Hat Part 2.
This would have worked, but unfortunately I have not perfected my Elmer Fudd impersonation yet to make this work.
Option C: ANIMAAAAAAAAALLLL!
’nuff said.
Option D: Kermit
Surprisingly, this was the option people were pulling for the most. Many people were #TeamKermit. Either a. People have no sense of fashion. or b. They never want me to date ever again.
Option E: Basic, yet hot.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE OFFICIAL MATT HAZE 2011-2012 WINTER SEASON HAT!
Since I put this out to the world last week, the one question I’ve been asked most is “Did you buy the Kermit hat???” I plead the fifth. And please don’t look in my closet.