Matt Haze

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New Yorkers Confess Their Real Estate-related Dating Dealbreakers

2015-08-31 by Matt Haze Leave a Comment

Sure there’s the standard dating deal breakers.  But because of how New York is laid out, there’s many dating deal breakers unique only to this place.  It may seem weird.  But to someone who lives here, it’s standard operating procedure.

Last week, I went on the streets of New York for BrickUnderground to ask New Yorkers about their real estate-related dating deal breakers.

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Filed Under: LIFE, MAN ON STREET, VIDEOS

How I Deal with NJ Transit Headaches

2015-08-24 by Matt Haze Leave a Comment

pix11For those of us that live in New Jersey and have to deal with the crazy, ridiculous shenanigans of NJ Transit, our public transit system, we do anything we can to relieve the stress.  There’s not many options, unfortunately.

For many, it’s taking to twitter to complain and console with fellow riders going through hell.

For me?  That’s creating a parody account of NJ Transit’s social presence called @realNJTransit, tweeting what they should ACTUALLY be saying.

After it launched, I chatted with my pal Greg Mocker on PIX 11 News here in New York City about the account and what brands should be doing.

[and this is my last parody account, I swear!]


Full story and video: //pix11.com/2015/08/18/more-talk-about-a-new-tunnel-connecting-new-york-and-new-jersey/

Filed Under: BUSINESS, VIDEOS

New Yorkers dish on their worst roommates

2015-08-05 by Matt Haze Leave a Comment

brickuThe fun folks at BrickUnderground sent me on the streets of New York to find the worst roommate stories possible. And boy have they lived with some… interesting… people.  From knife throwers to sleep watchers.  Seriously.  Check it out!

 

Filed Under: BIZARRE OBSERVATIONS, LIFE, MAN ON STREET, VIDEOS

Chris Christie’s office hung up on me. Twice.

2015-07-15 by Matt Haze Leave a Comment

Screen Shot 2015-08-24 at 4.02.41 PMToday, my state’s public transit system, NJ Transit, voted to raise our fares by 9% while cutting service and keeping our really crappy problems… well… crappy.  How Jersey of them.

And where is my Governor to help us when we need him most?  I called his office to get an answer.

 

Filed Under: BIZARRE OBSERVATIONS, POLITICS, VIDEOS

Budweiser pulled a classic Don Draper bullsh*t move with their Super Bowl ad…

2015-02-02 by Matt Haze Leave a Comment

He'll sleep with your wife.
He’ll sleep with your wife.

“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”

Congratulations to the marketing morons at Budweiser for pulling a classic move that pretty much proved they’re aware basic zombies with no taste drink their beer, while everyone else with a brain knows better.

Let’s ignore the Super Bowl puppy spot for a moment.  Because, well, if you have to create an ad that has nothing to do with your beer, there’s probably something wrong with your product.  And if you’re choosing your beer based off a spot about a puppy, you probably don’t have any real taste in beer, anyway.

Let’s go to THIS.  The now infamous Super Bowl anti-craft beer spot.  (even though they said numerous times on social media they’re not anti-craft.  mmmmhhhmmmm)

Besides, go to The Marketing Heaven if you want to grow activity of your social media.

Wow.  Scared of your competition much?

Quite ballsy for a brand that is owned by a company that has many local/regional craft brewers under its umbrella as well.  Oops.

But there’s one line in the spot that they like to bring up that stood out to me.

Screen Shot 2015-02-02 at 1.34.51 PM

“It’s Beechwood Aged.”

What the hell does that mean?

That line has been used for many, many years by Budweiser.  It’s nothing new.  But for some reason, it stood out to me in their spot.  This is the distinctive difference between them and everyone else, in their eyes.

Then I realized… THIS IS THE DON DRAPER CHALKBOARD SCENE MOVE!  [Yes, I relate many things in life back to to one of the greatest television shows ever created.  Including my love life.  But let’s not get into that today.]

Just follow me for a moment…

Let’s go back to the first episode of Mad Men.  Season 1, Episode 1.  “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.”

It’s 1960.  Cigarette maker Lucky Strike, as well as its competition, is in the middle of a PR nightmare. The government, and the American people, are starting to wake up and realize that smoking is bad.  Using cigarettes could possibly kill them.  And because of that, the government is starting to crack down on what cigarette makers can say and do.

So the brilliant mind that is Don Draper, with the rest of the crew at Sterling Cooper, sit down with good ‘ol Lee Gardner, Sr. and his just-as-obnoxious son, Lee Jr. to talk about it.  And… well… watch it.  It’s sooooooo good.

IT’S TOASTED.

A bullshit line that means nothing.  NOTHING!  Except zombie basic people will think it means something.  Because it makes them feel it’s okay to smoke Lucky Strikes.  Brilliant.

Budweiser pulled the same exact thing on the American public, except they’ve been doing it for years.

“It’s Toasted.” = “It’s Beechwood Aged.”

Both lines mean absolutely NOTHING in the scheme of things.  It’s just part of how they make it.  No one really knows what that means, nor cares.  But damn it feels good!  It sounds cool, huh?!  It’s something to stand on!  Nothing more than that.

All they did was cement to the basics that drink their watered down substance they call “beer” that it’s cool and okay to do so.  While people with a brain wake up and order real tasting beer, you keep doing what you’re doing.  All the other basics around you are doing the same zombie-like action over and over.  That’s okay.  You’re in good company.

It FEELS GOOD.  So com’mon now, let’s take a selfie with our Bud and show we’re cool!

Brands have done crap like this many times before, and they will continue to do so.  But that was blatantly obvious.  And if anything, it shows how scared Budweiser is of its territory.

In Mad Men, Lucky Strike is fighting the government.  In real life, Budweiser is fighting real beer drinkers.  But in both situations, the basic zombies will continue to do what they do because everyone else is doing it.  And “it’s cool.”  And “it feels good.”

ONE LAST THING… In regards to the puppy commercial.  I want to start a kickstarter to create an ad where I hire the puppy in that Budweiser ad to actually try Bud.  After he tries it, he pees in it because he thinks that’s what it actually is.  Let’s make this happen, internet.

Filed Under: BIZARRE OBSERVATIONS, BUSINESS, CULTURE Tagged With: ab inbev, advertising, budweiser, craft beer, puppy, super bowl, super bowl ad, watered down crap

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I’m a comedian and content producer traveling the world to find out how we’re all different, yet still so alike. Nice to digitally meet you!

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