“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”

Congratulations to the marketing morons at Budweiser for pulling a classic move that pretty much proved they’re aware basic zombies with no taste drink their beer, while everyone else with a brain knows better.

Let’s ignore the Super Bowl puppy spot for a moment.  Because, well, if you have to create an ad that has nothing to do with your beer, there’s probably something wrong with your product.  And if you’re choosing your beer based off a spot about a puppy, you probably don’t have any real taste in beer, anyway.

Let’s go to THIS.  The now infamous Super Bowl anti-craft beer spot.  (even though they said numerous times on social media they’re not anti-craft.  mmmmhhhmmmm)

Besides, go to The Marketing Heaven if you want to grow activity of your social media.

Wow.  Scared of your competition much?

Quite ballsy for a brand that is owned by a company that has many local/regional craft brewers under its umbrella as well.  Oops.

But there’s one line in the spot that they like to bring up that stood out to me.

“It’s Beechwood Aged.”

What the hell does that mean?

That line has been used for many, many years by Budweiser.  It’s nothing new.  But for some reason, it stood out to me in their spot.  This is the distinctive difference between them and everyone else, in their eyes.

Then I realized… THIS IS THE DON DRAPER CHALKBOARD SCENE MOVE!  [Yes, I relate many things in life back to to one of the greatest television shows ever created.  Including my love life.  But let’s not get into that today.]

Just follow me for a moment…

Let’s go back to the first episode of Mad Men.  Season 1, Episode 1.  “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.”

It’s 1960.  Cigarette maker Lucky Strike, as well as its competition, is in the middle of a PR nightmare. The government, and the American people, are starting to wake up and realize that smoking is bad.  Using cigarettes could possibly kill them.  And because of that, the government is starting to crack down on what cigarette makers can say and do.

So the brilliant mind that is Don Draper, with the rest of the crew at Sterling Cooper, sit down with good ‘ol Lee Gardner, Sr. and his just-as-obnoxious son, Lee Jr. to talk about it.  And… well… watch it.  It’s sooooooo good.

IT’S TOASTED.

A bullshit line that means nothing.  NOTHING!  Except zombie basic people will think it means something.  Because it makes them feel it’s okay to smoke Lucky Strikes.  Brilliant.

Budweiser pulled the same exact thing on the American public, except they’ve been doing it for years.

“It’s Toasted.” = “It’s Beechwood Aged.”

Both lines mean absolutely NOTHING in the scheme of things.  It’s just part of how they make it.  No one really knows what that means, nor cares.  But damn it feels good!  It sounds cool, huh?!  It’s something to stand on!  Nothing more than that.

All they did was cement to the basics that drink their watered down substance they call “beer” that it’s cool and okay to do so.  While people with a brain wake up and order real tasting beer, you keep doing what you’re doing.  All the other basics around you are doing the same zombie-like action over and over.  That’s okay.  You’re in good company.

It FEELS GOOD.  So com’mon now, let’s take a selfie with our Bud and show we’re cool!

Brands have done crap like this many times before, and they will continue to do so.  But that was blatantly obvious.  And if anything, it shows how scared Budweiser is of its territory.

In Mad Men, Lucky Strike is fighting the government.  In real life, Budweiser is fighting real beer drinkers.  But in both situations, the basic zombies will continue to do what they do because everyone else is doing it.  And “it’s cool.”  And “it feels good.”

ONE LAST THING… In regards to the puppy commercial.  I want to start a kickstarter to create an ad where I hire the puppy in that Budweiser ad to actually try Bud.  After he tries it, he pees in it because he thinks that’s what it actually is.  Let’s make this happen, internet.