Last week, millions of readers across the world had the opportunity to judge me and my OKCupid account in New York magazine.
I mean, can you ask for anything more fun to do when you’re bored than judge someone else’s dating profile?? (Yes, that was rhetorical.)
Honestly, when I agreed to be part of this project, I thought “Oh a few lines in an article would be nice.” Nope. My love life was put on full display ON AN ENTIRE PAGE. My jaw literally did drop when I saw that.
The article highlights my friend Laurie Davis, the founder of eFlirtExpert, home to the best online dating coaches out there. Need to know how to write your profile to make it stand out? Need to figure out how to venture through the (sometimes very confusing) online dating world? Laurie is the person you call to ease your racing mind. And racing heart.
As part of a dating section in New York magazine last week, Laurie was asked to take two different dating profiles and go through them with her magic eye. What was wrong with it? What could the person do better? Will this person be declared as “completely not dateable and should just start living a life as the lonely person sitting at McDonalds on a Friday night.” (Okay the last one wasn’t an option, but I sure wouldn’t have been surprised if she declared my profile that)
Laurie sent me a questionnaire she uses with her clients to learn more about my situation. What results were I getting with my profile? Was I happy with it? What IS it I wanted to come from the profile? Do I think Big Foot actually exists? (Yeah, the last question through me for a loop, too.)
After a few days of taking my profile through the ringer , she sent me back a four page critique with her professional opinion. My first reaction, to be quite honest, was “Holy crap this is work! I quit dating!” After the realization of having to find single bridesmaids every weekend as “dates” would be even MORE work sunk in, I was brought back to reality. I was impressed with her thorough analysis of my work. Every single word was looked at. Tone was brought into play. Even how my photos were taken!! Quite impressive.
But afterwards, I had some questions that still lingered in my head. Laurie and I had a quick meet up at a coffee house on the upper west side before the article was published to clarify some things.
But here’s the three main points that stood out to me and my thoughts…
1. She was expecting it to be funnier. For a moment, I was a bit shocked when she said these words to me. I mean seriously, is there anything worse you can say to someone who relies on their comedy to get by in life?? But I DID get her point. She didn’t mean that as an insult. I know it can be hard to believe, but I DO have a serious side. I’m not always Mr. Let Meeeeeee Entertaaaaain Yoooou (10 bonus points if you can name the singer I reference in that statement). And honeslty I want people to see that. That’s the real “me.”
Laurie thought I should work on showing more of that fun personality side. One of my personal gripes about dating is how, so many times, it comes off as a job hunt where you’re trying to fill a position (heh. position) But in reality, dating is about HAVING FUN! And I was already breaking that cardinal rule I have set for my dating life without thinking about it. Re-writing it involves just making it a fun thing to read! Oh, and I’ll talk a little about how I’m brilliant. (kidding)
2. “Out of borough dating.” Laurie talks about using my work zip code instead of my home zip code. This has to be one of the dumbest things when it comes to dating in the New York area. I DO get it and it may be tough to understand if you don’t live here. Sometimes getting somewhere five miles away in the area can take two hours. Literally. I live in New Jersey. I know it may be hard to believe, but Jersey is not on the other side of the world. It’s a nice place. With things you don’t always find in the city. You know… things like grass. Fresh air. Peace and quiet. AND A TARGET. OHMIGOD A TARGET! What woman wouldn’t want to date a handsome funny, charming man who lives within a 5 minute drive of a Target? AND I have a car to take you! (I know that may have sent you over the edge ladies, but settle down!) To some, just because I don’t want to live in the city proper, I must not be their “type.” And they will turn away the potential of a great person because of that. How. Lame.
3. Be a storyteller. The main thing I got out of this process is the idea of really being a storyteller in your profile. When it’s all said and done, that’s what Laurie wants me (and YOU) to be in our profiles. Her four page fine-toothed comb analytic review was about the details. But if I had to sum it all up, I have to tell a story. Leave the person reading wondering. Let them want to connect and hear the rest of it. Find out the plot line and how it ends. I really love this idea.
I’ve been asked a few times if I’ve met any new women directly from the article. I can’t say I have DIRECTLY from it. Yet. But it has been a good ice breaker for some random situations that have come up in the last week.
Thank you, Laurie. This was fun. And I appreciate your help.
You can learn more about Laurie and what she does to help those venture through the online dating world here. Also, you can check out her new book “Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating” from Simon & Schuster.