A poll conducted shortly after Nicki Minaj’s nipple slipped during a concert on ABC’s Good Morning America has discovered that people who complain about “indecent content” on national TV are also the most boring in the bedroom. The study, which included 1,000 Americans who have made a complaint regarding the incident, discovered that 84% of those surveyed preferred to have sex in the missionary position with the lights on while wearing socks.  Most people surveyed also said they take part in sexual interaction around once a month with an occasional session added in for special occasions. The majority of the men surveyed also stated they normally receive oral sex once a year and…

WASHINGTON – After passing a “bipartisan” bill that includes the largest debt limit increase in U.S. history, House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) is considering pushing a bill through that will officially change the currency of the United States to Monopoly money. “Let’s be honest.  We treat the dollar like Monopoly money as it is,” said Mr. Boehner in a statement.  “When we need more, we print more!  So why not just change it already?  Plus, there’s millions in Monopoly money out there sitting in board game boxes collecting dust in closets around the country.  It’s another source of revenue for our country waiting to happen.” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid…

After seeing respectable sales numbers for DVDs of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Royal Wedding, international retailer Walmart has decided to start selling other wedding DVDs, including those of “common folk” in their new Wedding DVD section. Erin Healy, a recently married woman in Zanesville, Ohio is thrilled that a retrospective DVD of their reception, held in the basement of a local VFW hall, is the first addition to this new selection.  “I can’t believe our special day can now be shared by so many!  Ohmigod, you will DIE when you see my Uncle Ralph attempt to dance to the Thriller song!” Walmart also plans to release a DVD of…

Sports Illustrated is now expanding its investigation of coaches and organizations for improper deals and gifts to teams outside of college sports. This week, SI will report that a U12 Boys Little League Team in South Bend, Indiana named the “Jimbo’s Auto Repair White Sox” did not properly disclose to the league that they received complimentary dipped vanilla cones from the local Dairy Queen for, what the store manager called, “a good job on the field.” South Bend Little League spokesperson Darryl Wallace was surprised by the story, but also was glad that the news got out.  “I’ve known their coach Jim Bryan since 8th grade math class.  He’s always…

After he realized that the United States owes his country over $900 billion, Chinese President Hu Jintao arrived to a lavish state dinner at the White House with a professional debt collector and repo man. Speaking through a translator, President Hu said “Do you know how much these suckers owe us??  With as much as they’re spending and with a deficit that these guys can’t get under control, the people of China… aw hell who am I kidding, ME… doesn’t believe they will be able to pay back this debt in the long run.  So I’m here to collect some collateral!  These materalistic bastards in America own some nice stuff,…