There’s one thing that has really stood out to me since the COVID-19 pandemic has started: how a passing, generic greeting has taken on a whole new meaning.
Maybe this new way of asking and answering HOW ARE YOU is something we take to the other side!
Does the universe really put us in the right place at the right time?
Is the Law of Attraction real?
I met a couple that might prove it’s true.
Fuck all the thoughts and prayers being thrown up in the wake of the worst mass shooting in American history.
I’m angry.
I’m angry that after twenty children between the ages of 6 and 7 years old were murdered in an elementary school, we as a nation said “never again.” Yet we’ve let this sort of thing happen hundreds of times since.
I’m angry that our nation believes sitting in the comfort of suburbia while posting some “thoughtful” line on Facebook provoking prayer is acceptable instead of pushing to have a real conversation and action against hate crimes.
I’m angry that people who just days ago were posting memes and links about transgender people using the bathroom all of a sudden change their tune and show compassion when the group they couldn’t tolerate two minutes ago were shamelessly murdered.
I’m angry that we’ve become a country where we put fear and ignorance over intelligence and understanding.
I’m angry that politicians who accept millions of dollars in contributions from gun lobbyists tweet their “thoughts and prayers” while they ignored legislation to close loopholes that could help prevent something like this from happening. Because money is king.
I’m angry that said politicians are also in charge of a government organization that won’t even allow the group that was the victim of the hate crime to donate blood to help.
I’m angry that a gun called an “assault rifle” can legally be purchased. For what purpose would you ever use it for besides what it’s named for: assault.
I’m angry that society puts more emphasis and passion into sports team and events instead of standing up for tolerance for all people, living as one society. Apparently, running with balls matters more than humans.
I’m angry that a political party would choose a man who thanks people for congratulation messages about a mass murder just hours after it happened to be their nominee for President of the United States.
I’m angry that people create a bubble around them, choosing to concentrate only on what is going on down the street instead of understanding the much bigger world around them. Because being selfish and naive is much easier than seeing that not everyone is like the people in your little bubble.
I’m angry that the Lt. Governor of a state that puts guns before people feels the need to tweet words written thousands of years ago about a spiritual being that we don’t have proof of existing to spread his bullshit hateful beliefs against other people, adding to the stereotype of America.
I’m angry that in less than three weeks, the same country that would allow something horrible like this to happen without taking action to fix it will take a day off to grill burgers, shoot off fireworks and wave our flags, saying how star spangled fantastic we are.
I’m angry that we choose be part of a cycle where throwing around thoughts and prayers instead of taking action to stop what is becoming an increasing issue. It’s easier. We’ve become assholes.
Fuck thoughts and prayers.
It’s time to vote.
It’s time to volunteer.
It’s time to be an advocate.
It’s time to hug someone that is different from us and tell them we love them.
“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”
Congratulations to the marketing morons at Budweiser for pulling a classic move that pretty much proved they’re aware basic zombies with no taste drink their beer, while everyone else with a brain knows better.
Let’s ignore the Super Bowl puppy spot for a moment. Because, well, if you have to create an ad that has nothing to do with your beer, there’s probably something wrong with your product. And if you’re choosing your beer based off a spot about a puppy, you probably don’t have any real taste in beer, anyway.
Let’s go to THIS. The now infamous Super Bowl anti-craft beer spot. (even though they said numerous times on social media they’re not anti-craft. mmmmhhhmmmm)
Besides, go to The Marketing Heaven if you want to grow activity of your social media.
Wow. Scared of your competition much?
Quite ballsy for a brand that is owned by a company that has many local/regional craft brewers under its umbrella as well. Oops.
But there’s one line in the spot that they like to bring up that stood out to me.
“It’s Beechwood Aged.”
What the hell does that mean?
That line has been used for many, many years by Budweiser. It’s nothing new. But for some reason, it stood out to me in their spot. This is the distinctive difference between them and everyone else, in their eyes.
Then I realized… THIS IS THE DON DRAPER CHALKBOARD SCENE MOVE! [Yes, I relate many things in life back to to one of the greatest television shows ever created. Including my love life. But let’s not get into that today.]
Just follow me for a moment…
Let’s go back to the first episode of Mad Men. Season 1, Episode 1. “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.”
It’s 1960. Cigarette maker Lucky Strike, as well as its competition, is in the middle of a PR nightmare. The government, and the American people, are starting to wake up and realize that smoking is bad. Using cigarettes could possibly kill them. And because of that, the government is starting to crack down on what cigarette makers can say and do.
So the brilliant mind that is Don Draper, with the rest of the crew at Sterling Cooper, sit down with good ‘ol Lee Gardner, Sr. and his just-as-obnoxious son, Lee Jr. to talk about it. And… well… watch it. It’s sooooooo good.
IT’S TOASTED.
A bullshit line that means nothing. NOTHING! Except zombie basic people will think it means something. Because it makes them feel it’s okay to smoke Lucky Strikes. Brilliant.
Budweiser pulled the same exact thing on the American public, except they’ve been doing it for years.
“It’s Toasted.” = “It’s Beechwood Aged.”
Both lines mean absolutely NOTHING in the scheme of things. It’s just part of how they make it. No one really knows what that means, nor cares. But damn it feels good! It sounds cool, huh?! It’s something to stand on! Nothing more than that.
All they did was cement to the basics that drink their watered down substance they call “beer” that it’s cool and okay to do so. While people with a brain wake up and order real tasting beer, you keep doing what you’re doing. All the other basics around you are doing the same zombie-like action over and over. That’s okay. You’re in good company.
It FEELS GOOD. So com’mon now, let’s take a selfie with our Bud and show we’re cool!
Brands have done crap like this many times before, and they will continue to do so. But that was blatantly obvious. And if anything, it shows how scared Budweiser is of its territory.
In Mad Men, Lucky Strike is fighting the government. In real life, Budweiser is fighting real beer drinkers. But in both situations, the basic zombies will continue to do what they do because everyone else is doing it. And “it’s cool.” And “it feels good.”
ONE LAST THING… In regards to the puppy commercial. I want to start a kickstarter to create an ad where I hire the puppy in that Budweiser ad to actually try Bud. After he tries it, he pees in it because he thinks that’s what it actually is. Let’s make this happen, internet.
Oh.
I thought it was over.
The basics are back to doing that again, huh?
The ‘ol “ohmigod Facebook is changing something I don’t understand so let’s copy and paste some legal jargon into a status to fix that!” thing is back again.
Oy.
We ALL have a Facebook friend gullible enough to fall for that. Or, if you’re like me, not many anymore because you instantly unfriend them after they hit POST on it.
Posting that in a status is the same thing as looking at your other half and yelling “I divorce thee!” three times, hoping that will magically end everything and save you from coughing up half of your savings.
It. Just. Doesn’t. Work.
[and divorce attorneys are happy about the example mentioned because their boat payments don’t make themselves, but I digress…]
Plus, let’s be honest… no one actually wants the majority of the stuff you posted. That photo of you half wasted wearing a Happy New Year hat with a party favor in your hand? Yeah. Not so original. No one actually wants it.
So to make a point, I made my OWN Facebook privacy legal crap. Because, well, I’m me.
“In response to the new Facebook guidelines, I herby declare that I’m not a moron and will not copy and paste some legal jargon I didn’t read from someone else’s wall that I think will protect my photos of my dinner at Applebee’s and the temperature gauge showing how cold it is outside and how I’m pissed off about it even though I live in the north, from being used by other people because somehow I think someone would actually do that, even though it’s just like everyone else’s lame content that no one actually gives a shit about but hey I posted it AND IT’S MINE ALL MINE YOU CAN’T HAVE IT, MYSTERIOUS FACEBOOK GODS! THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD AND IT IS YEEZUS BOW DOWN TO THE ALTAR OF KARDASHIANS. #basic”
Boom.
Take THAT, wannabe lawyers.
HASHTAG BASIC.